Some Things I Just Can't Say…

I’m so indecisive. I have no clue what’s going on these days. The days pass by with me confused. I often forget what the day is. I guess I’m just one of those people. I might just be going through a state on mental war. And I barely have any allies.

So what’s going on? I don’t know. I guess I’m just getting backstabbed so much now. First by Veronica and Isabel, and now by two more friends. Since my friends will never read this blog since their so caught up in Facebook, I’ll just say it. Now, Natalie is flirting with Freddie. It’s like my own friends hate me. Well, now, the only friends I have at school are Jen and Justin.

I’m just happy it the weekend. I don’t have to see them. It hurts to see them giggling with him, and I always feel like jumping in front of a speeding car, or maybe plunge down into ice cold water. Maybe I could set myself of fire. I’d rather die a fast and numb death rather than a slow and painful one.

Anyways, aside from all the angst-filled stuff, today, I have seen the sun after so long. Today, in New York City, the sun is shining and the temperature is fifty degrees. Unfortunately, I had to spend the late afternoon with Sam. Sam is my tutor, and he’s, well, special. He’s nineteen or twenty and has a band. I don’t like him. I’ve never been able to connect with him. Today he taught me about slopes and called himself a nerd. Cause he is.

Well…I don’t know what else to say. So…farewell, and keep on swaying.

Feeling: Fallen

Listening To: This Providence – This Is the Real Thing

Once again, another snow day. A miracle for students in New York City: two snow days in one month. We rarely have snow days. Although, snow day started out awfully for me. I had to help my dad clean the car, which he decided to park in the street instead of the garage. And there was, like, one foot of snow outside. My neighbor, Luke, and his father help us out, so I didn’t have to do much work.

Anyways, the Valentine’s Day Dance passed, and it wasn’t that bad. The period before that dance, my class had the laptops, and Isabel and her lackey, Veronica, were helping decorating the gym, where the dance was held. And I was upstairs in the classroom with Cristina and Freddie. It was probably the first time he actually started talking to me without someone connecting us. And he also held my hand :) Then, when we were going downstairs, Nicole, his ex, called out to Cristina and he had the weirdest face on. “Please go downstairs with me,” He said. I nodded as I went downstairs with him. And then, as we basically spent the dance together, well, with Hanna, Cristina, and Justin, too :)

And then, he was silent during the break, and then until last Wednesday. He and some of his friends decided to play telephone, and he invited me to play. And then, he sat next to me, and so I had to whisper into his ear, and vice versa. Gosh, Isabel and Veronica were fuming! I don’t know if I love him or not. I guess I’m just messed up.

So, what else is up? I guess the Olympics. Natalie doesn’t care about the sports; she cares about the dudes playing them. She called dibs on Shaun White and Apolo Ohno. I don’t know what she meant by that but she said I could have J.R. Celski. I googled him, and I found out he’s pretty cute.

Feeling: Giddy

Listening To: Nothing :(